2008 Woodie Awards
Couple control conflicts affect relationship dynamics
Megan Jicha
Issue date: 9/24/07 Section: Sex
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Who gets to choose? It may seem like a small problem, but it may address a much bigger issue: Who wears the pants in the relationship, and how does that affect its dynamics?
European authors, Em & Lo, "self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom," according to their website www.emandlo.com, attempt to address this issue in their books, and "Nerve's Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen" and "The Big Bang: Nerve's Guide to the New Sexual Universe," published in 2003 and 2005, respectively.
The London-based duo discuss more than just remote control conflicts, delving into other dominance-related matters, like when and where a couple goes out together and what they do, and what tolls the relationship takes if one person is more dominant than the other - or if the playing field is even.
Em & Lo's advice on who gets the remote control? Get a TiVo.
But many students said they feel like even the smallest relationship issues aren't that simple.
Allison Finney, a sophomore communication studies major, said when she's in a relationship, it's OK for her beau to get the clicker - "As long as if I want the remote, I'll get it too. It's give and take, man," she said."I feel like sometimes when a guy or a girl has more power in a relationship, it almost takes over the other person's life. They almost replace their life with their significant other's. It's almost like you're not living your own life, but you're living your life for your boyfriend or girlfriend."
She admitted that everything can't always be perfectly balanced - decisions have to be made, and sometimes one person must compromise for the better of the relationship. But the deeper the sacrifices, the worse off the relationship will be, she said.
"When it comes to personal decision making, that's where the line should be drawn," Finney said.
Another Northeastern sophomore, who wished to remain anonymous due to her own sensitivity to the issue, said she felt differently, valuing the ideas of chivalry and dedication to one's significant other - particularly from Prince Charming to his princess.
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