2008 Woodie Awards
Column: Pro sports sinking to new lows
Matt Foster
Issue date: 8/1/07 Section: Sports
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Patient: To be honest, Doc, I just want to know how the world of sports is doing. Fill me in on everything. The last I remember Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire were about to break Roger Maris' home run record.
Doctor: Yeah, about sports … with your condition, I'm not sure if it's safe.
Patient: Lay it on me, Doc!
Doctor: Well, McGwire did break the record, against the Cubs no less, in nothing short of perfect form. It didn't last long, though. Barry Bonds broke McGwire's record of 70 home runs with 73 of his own two years later.
Patient: Bonds? You mean that skinny guy who got all that money from San Francisco? It just goes to show that power doesn't have to come from the big guys!
Doctor: Well, about that … looks like there was a little something extra in his protein shake. After Maris' record was broken, people started whispering something was afoot. And by people, I mean the US Congress, and that little something turned out to be steroids.
Patient: Steroids in our nation's pastime? Couldn't be! I'm sure baseball commissioner Bud Selig would never let that happen!
Doctor: Well, there's pretty strong evidence that it did. A leaked grand jury testimony has Bonds admitting he unknowingly took steroids.
Patient: Well, for some people that's evidence enough! I bet they just tossed Bonds and his record right out of baseball!
Doctor: Not quite. He's continued to play, and it looks like he's going to break Hank Aaron's all-time home run record soon.
Patient: Goodness gracious! Well, luckily there are plenty of other sports to watch in America. Tell me, how's the NBA?
Doctor: Oh boy … there's some trouble there too. The league's biggest star, Kobe Bryant, was put on trial for charges of rape not too long ago, although they were eventually dropped. And then there's the on-the-court problems - a few years ago, during an Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons game in Detroit, a few Pacers players charged into the stands and a brawl started with the fans.
Patient: Rape and fighting? Oh boy. The referees's must've been going crazy at that Piston's game.
Doctor: Oh, brother. About the ref's - the FBI is investigating one NBA court official on suspicions of point shaving. And it looks like there's pretty good evidence against him, with some even claiming he intentionally made calls that altered the outcome of the game. And possibly even playoff games!
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